My Mom Is Better Than Your Mom (not really-it was just a good title)

...but she is really interesting.

I was talking with a few co-workers today about our respective moms. The mother/daughter relationship is a complex thing fraught with insecurities and aggravation. For some, there's that constant feeling that we aren't measuring up--that somehow we've disappointed mom with our life choices and she loves us even as she wears that expression. You know the one--the I-really-do-love-you-even-though-you-sort-of-fall-short expression. As I was listening to their stories about their moms, I couldn't help thinking how lucky I am.

My mom isn't like a lot of moms. She never really fussed over what I wore or whether I matched. She was always a big believer in people learning from their mistakes. She'd see me about to really mess something up and, provided it wasn't a life-threatening something, she'd let me mess it up royally. Then she'd help me figure out how to fix it. She did worry a lot if she didn't know where I was-a side effect of a career as a CSU certified latent finger print examiner. My mom was CSI way before it was cool. She likes to cook, but she's not any damn good at it. She'd rather read a book than go shopping at the mall. Her idea of mother/daughter bonding almost always involves learning something new and never once involved nail polish or hair grooming. Her fashion sense blows, and by that I mean she has an entire closet full of double knit polyester. And she feels just fine about that, thank you very much. She can talk eloquently about everything from gardening to Shakespearean theatre to the X-Files. She lacks, what am I looking for? Tact. She has little to no social graces. She feels just fine about that too.

She didn't grow up rich, and still isn't. She grew up dirt poor in a small house in East Texas with way too many brothers and one sister. But her upbringing has always seemed almost incidental. It shaped her but it didn't define her.

She has--
* been a journalist in Atlanta, GA. She had city beat and was so enthralled by what she was writing about that she decided to become a police officer.

* been a police officer, or more precisely a certified latent fingerprint examiner. She was the first female to hold that job in the state of Georgia and one of the first female officers in that state.

* battled sexism as an officer, ultimately earning the respect of her male counterparts by sheer brains and guts.

* been a teacher. She taught high school English for a little while, till she decided she wanted more.

* put herself through graduate school, ultimately earning a PhD in Creative Writing.

* been a professor of English.

* been a published author of over 15 police procedural mystery novels.

* established her own e-publishing company.

In short my mom never let being a woman or coming from an impovershed background prevent her from doing anything she set her mind to. She tried as hard as she could to pass that message along to each of her kids. She knows that we always have potential to do more no matter how old we are, and while aware of limitations, she looks at them as obstacles that can be surmounted instead of reasons why not.

She is coming to visit in August because she wants to see Chaucerian Girl and me in our show. She's managed to finagle a trip to San Antonio out of the whole deal because she wants to do some research on a new book she's writing. But mostly she wants to see Chaucerian Girl on stage for the first time. She wants to see us both perform words we've written. She wants to fall into that world for a little while and talk to her daughters about the things that matter to them. That's just one of a gazillion things I love about my mother. There are no illusions here--she's not that beautiful and gracefully aging ideal of motherhood. She looks her age and then some. Her hair is white. She walks with a cane. She won't tweeze her damn eyebrows. But I still think she's the most beautiful and perfect mother I could ever ask for.

So, yeah. My mom rules.