Fun With Monsters

I got up yesterday at 4:30 (ish) in the morning to take my step-mother to the hospital for surgery. Minor surgery, but still the kind that requires an anesthesiologist and generally produces at least a low-level panic in the victim/patient (which ever way you look at things). Random thoughts and moments from my long day—

4:30 a.m. - Alarm. Damn. I’ll get up in a minute.

4:40 a.m. - Fine. I’m awake. Stupid freaking surgery.

5:10 a.m. - I really like driving this hour of the day. Well, okay, not as much as I enjoy being asleep this hour of the day, but we were on major highways, and there were hardly any other cars on the road. I tell my stepmother I should get a job where I go to work at 5:00 a.m. and leave at 2:00 p.m. before traffic begins sucking. She laughs hysterically at the idea of me actually getting up that early every morning and then thanks me for the distraction.

5:40 a.m. - We are sitting at the registration booth at the Emergency room of Baylor Medical. We have to check in here because the front desk will not open for another 2 hours and 20 minutes. The monster realizes that she forgot to “mark her foot” with ink. While I am slightly disturbed that they need her to remind them which foot they are operating on, she grosses out both the receptionist and me by sticking her bare foot on the desk, grabbing the pen attached to the sign in clipboard and marking a big black ‘X’ on her right foot. The receptionist says nothing, but at as we walk to the lab, I see her toss the pen and attach a new one to the clipboard.

6:45 a.m. – An orderly whisks the monster away and directs me to the waiting room, where another family has already gathered. They are passing time by talking about American Idol (they like Doolittle best—I haven’t seen it this year, so can’t comment). I pretend to be reading the newspaper, but am actually eavesdropping like crazy. I was in this scene study class with Betty Buckley and one of our assignments was to observe someone in a waiting room and then come back and interpret it. It felt creepy then, and still feels creepy. It occurs to me that I am a creep. I am now embarrassed and begin reading the newspaper in earnest.

7:15 a.m. – The waiting room telephone rings and a guy from the AI group runs to answer it. His face falls momentarily and then he looks at me and asks if I’m Elizabeth. I nod and take the phone from him gingerly, feeling irrationally guilty that it was for me and not good news for him. Monster is fine, but they’re running a bit late. They will call me when they start.

7:50 a.m. – The phone rings for the second time. The same guy answers it and the process is repeated as he passes the phone off to me again. They’ve started and will call me when they’re finished. I decide to go eat breakfast in the cafeteria. The café employee looks like she’d rather be just about anywhere else. She takes my order without comment and rings in my sale. As she gives me back my change, she erupts into a massive coughing fit. Turns out she’s sick as a dog and will be leaving as soon as her co-worker arrives. My one egg fried over-hard suddenly seems very yucky. I add an individual box of cereal and milk to my order.

8:25 a.m. – Back in the waiting room, the telephone rings again. AI guy looks at me, shrugs his shoulders, and I go and answer the phone instead. He watches me expectantly and his face falls again as he realizes the phone call is once again for me. They’ve finished and she has been moved to the recovery room. They ask me to meet the doctor in the patient consultation room right away. He is very nice and likeable and tells me the surgery went very well and he expects she’ll be up and about in no time. He gives me a few discharge instructions and we chit-chat a bit longer before he walks me back to the waiting room. He says the nurse will call in about 45 minutes or so and I will be able to see her at that time.

9:01 a.m. – I am engrossed in the October travel issue of National Geographic (Seriously, I want to go to Patagonia) when the phone rings again. AI guy looks at me. I tell him it won’t be for me quite yet and he practically leaps to the phone and answers it. His face falls again, and he hands the phone off to an older man sitting by himself in the corner. I smile sympathetically at AI guy and he heads back to his family to continue their discussion on why-Taylor-Hicks-should-never-have-won.

9:15 a.m. – Phone rings again; AI guy totally ignores it, and I wonder, as I cross to the phone, if this is a new tactic. Maybe he thinks that if he pretends the phone call is not important to him, it might be for him this time. It isn’t. It’s for me. Monster is back in her room in day surgery and ready to see me. I put the National Geographic back in the magazine rack and turn to leave. AI guy waves at me, but then his smile falters a bit, as the phone rings again. I answer it and then grin at him. It’s for him. He takes the phone from me eagerly and I leave the waiting room.

10:00 a.m. – Monster is great. She’s totally mellow like she is on Christmas day after about four whiskey sours. I consider asking for a rent decrease right then and there, but decide that would be taking unfair advantage.

3:00 p.m. – Monster is annoying the holy frakkin’ crap out of me as she keeps getting up and trying to do things around the house. I force her to sit back down and she glares at me before suddenly turning back into nice monster again. She falls asleep in the middle of Ellen and snores loudly. As if on cue, one of our labs, Cydney begins snoring too. I’m hard pressed to decide who the better snorer is. It’s sort of cute.

6:00 p.m. – I consider beating Monster with a stick, but I’m a strictly non-violent sort of person, and besides I usually like her very much. I become really smug when Dad sides with me and Monster gives in with bad grace. She’s not at all tired. Her foot feels fine. But okay, fine, if we want to be that way… We do.

I was so glad when yesterday ended. Today looks to be busy, as I have to go to work after work, but I’m okay with that. Because Dad is home with Carol and he gets to fight with her all day instead of me. That works really well for me.